love: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.

If part of the definition of love is to be unselfish, is it possible for a human to be unselfish? If we are always selfish, can humans ever truly love? Obviously we can’t to the level of God, but can we at a level right below him? I can do the loyalty and even the benevolence, but the unselfishness is where I get stuck. You can have loyalty and benevolence while still being selfish. It makes me sad to think that the majority of the time, my love is probably selfish. Maybe I’m being to hard on myself, but it’s hard for me to imagine myself completely separated from selfishness. Pride and selfishness are the sins that I absolutely hate the most. And I want to destroy satan for that.

[God] is not proud…He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him.

–C.S. Lewis

This makes me feel yucky. So often we choose everything else over God. And yet, that is the thing that makes His grace so beautiful. He takes us back no matter what. I can’t wait to hang out with Him for real. Christianity, indeed, has so many paradoxes.

The sins of the flesh are bad, but they are the least bad of all sins.  All the worst pleasures are purely spiritual: the pleasure of putting other people in the wrong, of bossing and patronizing;… the pleasures of power, of hatred.  For there are two things inside me, competing with the human self which I must try to become.  They are the Animal self, and the Diabolical self.  The Diabolical self is the worse of the two.  That is why a cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute.

-C.S. Lewis

This is a journal I just wrote for my Biblical Ethics class. I wanted to share it.

In chapter two of Biblical Ethics, Maston discusses the prophets of the Old Testament and their role.  He does an excellent job of explaining the purpose of the prophets to be the messengers of God.  Part two of the introduction was an enlightening section for me.  Maston explains that the prophets’ “real source of their social passion and effectiveness was their concern for the will of God rather than for the welfare of men or the preservation of the nation” (37).  He painted their role as people who were deeply involved with God and who cared about others because God does.  Being in a deep relationship with God helped them to look through the surface and more clearly see the moral conditions of their world.  Maston also states that the prophets believed that if they were in a right relationship with God, then all of their other relationships would fall into place.  “If man understood the nature of God and were right in their relationship to Him, they would be right in their relations with one another” (38).

I see both of these ideals as being very applicable today.  It seems that if we were in a deep, rich relationship with Christ, we would be opened to new things and new ways of looking at our world; we would see things through Christ’s eyes.  We would be more concerned with pleasing Him than pleasing others around us.  The more we know God and his character, the more we know his will and desires for his children.  If we do not know him, we will only be working for the benefit of others and not out of love and obedience to God.  In addition, if Christ is the center of our lives, everything else should align.  If he is the center, then we view situations, issues, and people the way Christ views them: out of love.  As humans, it is not natural for us to unconditionally love.  If Christ is central, it makes the unconditional love more accessible and plausible.  And so, the Old Testament writings are still very applicable to our present time and culture.

Books that have shaped/are shaping me:

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen

Life of the Beloved by Henri Nouwen

2 Corinthians 12:1-10 by Paul

Genesis 32:22-30 by Moses

Books that will shape me:

To Live is Christ by Beth Moore

Everybody’s Normal Till You Get To Know Them by John Ortberg

Living in a community with very wounded people, I came to see that I had lived most of my life as a tightrope artist trying to walk on a high, thin cable from one tower to the other, always waiting for the applause when I had not fallen off and broken my leg.

Confession and forgiveness are precisely the disciplines by which spiritualization and carnality can be avoided and true incarnation lived. Through confession, the dark powers are taken out of their carnal isolation, brought into the light, and made visible to the community. Through forgiveness, they are disarmed and dispelled and a new integration between body and spirit is made possible.

The leaders of the future will be those who dare to claim their irrelevance in the contemporary world as a divine vocation that allows them to enter into a deep solidarity with the anguish underlying all the glitter of success, and to bring the light of Jesus there.

-In the Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen

Whenever I listen to music, the first thing my ears go to is the actual tune. I’m not much of a lyrics person much less words in general. As I’m going through a huge time of brokenness and change in my life, there is one song that pretty much says it all in the lyrics. Most of you probably know this song. 

Hope is the call
That is ringing in my soul
But I can’t pretend that I see
Much light in front of me

You will always stay beside me
And Your sun will rise above me
And Your light will shine upon me
And Your skies are clear above me
And You will always stay
You will always stay
–Robbie Seay
 
I give up on myself very easily, but I have found out how vital it is not to give up. I know this is simple, but sometimes it’s good to hear things again and to REALLY understand what they mean. So don’t give up on yourself because He still loves us. Oh how He loves us.

I love how God works. I have figured out that if there is something I need to learn or if there’s something He’s trying to tell me, I get it in repetition. Same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I think it’s cool.

As I figure myself out more and more, I have come to find how self-centered I am.  When I drove back to school, I listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler called Freedom vs. Narcissism. It totally makes sense that these two ideas are in conflict with each other. How can we be free with Christ if we’re stuck on ourselves? I also just read a chapter in a book called Crazy Love that was titled Profile of the Lukewarm.  Basically, the lukewarm Christian is selfish and comfortable. So as I process this and try to cleanse myself of it (a long and painful process) I ask everyone to be patient with me. Also, if you have not read Crazy Love, I highly recommend it.

On another note, I hate money and big companies. Warner Bros. will make plenty of money off of Harry Potter in November, so why do they have to move it to July?? Gah.

Why is it that when I’m gone for 5 weeks, my blog views are at a record high, then when I return and actually blog, they’re super low?

I just got a new dress from the Michael Kors outlet and I’m really looking forward to wearing it. I also found the perfect shoes to go with it.

Yesterday at work, Susan and I were going through the damages in the back, and she picked up a pair of pants that said: body fluid in crotch. (I tried really hard not to look at it.) Also, she found a jacket that had looked like it had been lit on fire or been run over by a car. Who in the word would be comfortable with returning those articles of clothing, I have no idea. But I guess we take anything back.

Who else is freakin excited about this:

I am. 

Tomorrow is my b-day.

This is Afework and his wife Martha, daughter Callie, and son Caleb. He is the most incredible man you will ever meet.

This is his other son Joshua.

These are 2 of the most adorable girls in the world. I love them very much and miss them. Tammi gets to sponsor them every year to help them go to school.

These are my favorite boys from one of my classes. They’re brothers.

These are some people on the street we told about Jesus.

Feel free to ask questions. I would love to tell.